Sketchy microwave

We had a lovely trip to Maine for my friend Laura's wedding about two or three weeks ago. Because I was already 34 weeks pregnant, we anticipated pee-breaks every hour and getting swollen in the feet like it was my job, so we broke the trip up into 2 drive days, one from CT to Portland, and one from Portland up to Moosehead Lake, which is where the wedding was. Each leg was about 4 hours. (and, btw, by the end of each day, it felt like each of MY legs had gained about 4 pounds in fluid). At our first stop in Portland, we stayed at a lovely beachside inn... just wanted to share with you the curiousity that was the in-room microwave:

Looks harmless enough...

Take a closer look at the sign on top of the microwave:

There are several things wrong with this sign... first off - "extreme caution" must be used to operate this microwave? Yikes. Then the list of rules... particularly #2. CAN I operate the microwave with the door open? Why, may I ask, is this even possible? I dare say, extreme caution should be exercised, indeed.

And now take a closer look at the console which operates the microwave:

It's just one dial. It goes from 1 to 15. In case you don't know what the numbers signify, there is a little guide with an extremely random list of foods next to the number you would set the microwave to if you were cooking those foods. Foods like "Half a frozen fried chicken" and "scrambled eggs." I have several problems with this chart. First... WHO MAKES SCRAMBLED EGGS IN THE MICROWAVE? Second... the guide only goes up to 8. The dial goes up to 15. Has this microwave only been tested up to number 8? What happens if you set it to 15? Third... among the foods listed next to number 1, it says "frozen pastries." Then, next to number 3, it says "defrost danish." Um... is a danish not a pastry? What the heck?

Needless to say, Joe and I DID NOT use this microwave during our stay. I'm pregnant for goodness sake - this thing could be radioactive.